- My sister-in-law...with triplets
- Three of Beau's cousin's wives
- Three co-workers
- And even a few of you blogger ladies (Ahem...Kate, Kelle Hampton, etc...)
Anywho-naturally, what comes with this is a ton of people looking my way saying "You've been married for a couple years now. You've got a steady job, a loving husband and a brand new home. Isn't it your turn?"
What do you mean "my turn"? I'm not standing in line at a game of Pin the Tail on the Donkey. This is a life-changing event, people! I'm not here to join the morning sickness club as soon as possible, or run to the nearest maternity clothes store or jump right into taking care of another human being for the rest of my life without thinking long and hard about it.
I'm pretty sure my mother is convinced my uterus is infested with cobwebs since she had me at the ripe old age of 23 and here I am, 26 and at grandma status in her book. Meh-whatevs, mom. At 23, having children was the absolute last thing on my mind. Trust me.
It's definitely an internal battle I feel every woman at the child-bearing age goes through so here we go.
The devil on my shoulder:
First of all, I'm only 26! I know some woman are all about having their babies young, and don't get me wrong, I want to have them "young" too but then again I still feel like I'm a child! I mean, I made my first mortgage payment today and still feel like I'm not old enough to even have a house to call my own, nonetheless a real life 30-year mortgage, a husband, utility bills, car notes, and a puppy on the way. Other women like to get married and pop out babies 9 months after the honeymoon. Not that there is anything against that but it's just not my style. Beau and I have completely and utterly enjoyed ourselves for the past year and a half. Just the two of us.
Second, the thought of being fat and sick for 9 months terrifies me. I just got rid of my freshman 15 a couple years ago. Why the heck would I want to go back to that and then have to work so hard to get rid of it all over again? (Wow.Vain much, Stephanie?)
Third, I'm the worst patient ever. In the 3 surgeries I've ever had, every single one of them left me with some type of weird reaction which leaves me terrified of anything medical related. Lord only knows what's going to happen when I have something growing inside my stomach and it's only means of exiting my belly is via my crotch.
Fourth, along with being the worst patient ever, I'm THE most impatient soul you will ever know. The fact that I would have to wait 3+ months just to know the sex of my child and another 6 months to actually SEE the bun that's been cooking in my oven for 9 months gives me more anxiety than anyone will ever know. I'm stressed just thinking about that!
Bottom line: sometimes I just feel like I'm not ready. Like we're not ready.
But all that to be said...I have this sweet little angel on the other shoulder that screams,"You're never going to be ready! Just do it!". And I know she's right. I mean, who's ever "ready" to be sick, fat and jobless for months on end? No one. Who's ever "ready" to learn all about breastfeeding, diaper changing and what the color of your child's poop means?
When am I ever going to have 9 months to do absolutely nothing, have no weddings/parties to attend, no booze to drink, no vacations to go on, no bikinis to be in, no big work projects to stress about?
It's a fact of life. We never really "feel ready" for any of the big events that happen in our lives, whether it's getting married, buying a house, getting a dog or making this huge decision of starting a family. While we'd all like to "think" we're ready for things like this, when push comes to shove, we aren't. But we just do it, and it just works, and we figure it out and at the end of the day, everything is always O.K.
Sure we could sit here and analyze every little thing and every little situation to try to find "the right time" but all we're really doing is driving ourselves bat sh*t crazy. While right now is not the time for Beau and I to go reproducing and I'm not dying of baby fever over here, it's not to say I'm not opening up to the idea of it a little more and more each day.
I mean, I think he looks pretty damn good holding babies. Don't you? ;)
That's all I gots, folks. Take it for what it's worth.