January 23, 2013

On Starting a Family...

When I say everyone I know is pregnant these days, I'm not kidding.

Let's see...

  • My sister-in-law...with triplets
  • Three of Beau's cousin's wives
  • Three co-workers
  • And even a few of you blogger ladies (Ahem...Kate, Kelle Hampton, etc...)
Fact: if you can list the number of women you know are pregnant in bullet form, you should probably not drink the water.

Anywho-naturally, what comes with this is a ton of people looking my way saying "You've been married for a couple years now. You've got a steady job, a loving husband and a brand new home. Isn't it your turn?"

What do you mean "my turn"? I'm not standing in line at a game of Pin the Tail on the Donkey. This is a life-changing event, people! I'm not here to join the morning sickness club as soon as possible, or run to the nearest maternity clothes store or jump right into taking care of another human being for the rest of my life without thinking long and hard about it.

I'm pretty sure my mother is convinced my uterus is infested with cobwebs since she had me at the ripe old age of 23 and here I am, 26 and at grandma status in her book. Meh-whatevs, mom. At 23, having children was the absolute last thing on my mind. Trust me.

It's definitely an internal battle I feel every woman at the child-bearing age goes through so here we go.

The devil on my shoulder:

First of all, I'm only 26! I know some woman are all about having their babies young, and don't get me wrong, I want to have them "young" too but then again I still feel like I'm a child! I mean, I made my first mortgage payment today and still feel like I'm not old enough to even have a house to call my own, nonetheless a real life 30-year mortgage, a husband, utility bills, car notes, and a puppy on the way. Other women like to get married and pop out babies 9 months after the honeymoon. Not that there is anything against that but it's just not my style. Beau and I have completely and utterly enjoyed ourselves for the past year and a half. Just the two of us.

Second, the thought of being fat and sick for 9 months terrifies me. I just got rid of my freshman 15 a couple years ago. Why the heck would I want to go back to that and then have to work so hard to get rid of it all over again? (Wow.Vain much, Stephanie?)

Third, I'm the worst patient ever. In the 3 surgeries I've ever had, every single one of them left me with some type of weird reaction which leaves me terrified of anything medical related. Lord only knows what's going to happen when I have something growing inside my stomach and it's only means of exiting my belly is via my crotch.

Fourth, along with being the worst patient ever, I'm THE most impatient soul you will ever know. The fact that I would have to wait 3+ months just to know the sex of my child and another 6 months to actually SEE the bun that's been cooking in my oven for 9 months gives me more anxiety than anyone will ever know. I'm stressed just thinking about that!

Bottom line: sometimes I just feel like I'm not ready. Like we're not ready.

But all that to be said...I have this sweet little angel on the other shoulder that screams,"You're never going to be ready! Just do it!". And I know she's right. I mean, who's ever "ready" to be sick, fat and jobless for months on end? No one. Who's ever "ready" to learn all about breastfeeding, diaper changing and what the color of your child's poop means?

That's right. 

No one.

When am I ever going to have 9 months to do absolutely nothing, have no weddings/parties to attend, no booze to drink, no vacations to go on, no bikinis to be in, no big work projects to stress about?

That's right.

Never.

It's a fact of life. We never really "feel ready" for any of the big events that happen in our lives, whether it's getting married, buying a house, getting a dog or making this huge decision of starting a family. While we'd all like to "think" we're ready for things like this, when push comes to shove, we aren't. But we just do it, and it just works, and we figure it out and at the end of the day, everything is always O.K.

Sure we could sit here and analyze every little thing and every little situation to try to find "the right time" but all we're really doing is driving ourselves bat sh*t crazy. While right now is not the time for Beau and I to go reproducing and I'm not dying of baby fever over here, it's not to say I'm not opening up to the idea of it a little more and more each day.

I mean, I think he looks pretty damn good holding babies. Don't you? ;)
 photo CIMG0457_zpsbd0e2eb4.jpg

That's all I gots, folks. Take it for what it's worth.

50 comments:

  1. Yay!! You gave me my first preggo shout out, what what!!

    Not that what I have to say matters, but seriously... wait! Enjoy this time with Beau... in your new house..... making new friends.... and puppy training a cute little one!

    I'll be 32 when I have my first child and couldn't be happier about that! When I look back at my 20s I KNOW that I did them right (for me)... and I'll be able to pass on those experiences to my children AND I'll never wish I would have done more before becoming a mom.

    I'm sooooo ready now and I'm glad Bry and I waited for when was right for US and not what others think is the "normal" time to have children :) For me, there did come a time when I was ready...

    But what I'm getting from this post is that you may have babies soon. Yay yay yay!!! Come be pregnant with me ;)

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  2. You're absolutely doing what's best for you... everyone does things in their own time and their own way and you'll be better off for it when the day finally comes!

    One thing though... pregnant doesn't equal fat... you'll have a big ol' belly because you're growing that little munchkin, but other than that, fat doesn't necessarily go along with it!

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  3. I feel the exact same way. I'm a horrible patient and I'm terrified of carrying something inside me for 9 months...and having to deal with poo. Not on my agenda at the moment! I'm definitely going to wait till my almost 30's (fingers crossed)! Thank you for this post! My future MIL has already started pushing the thought of grandkids on me and it makes me hyperventilate!

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  4. This is the most amazing post, and I have to agree with ALL of it! We just got married in August, and have been getting questions since the honeymoon! My husband traveled for work almost the whole time we dated, and now he's back to traveling, so the time we have together is precious and I want to cherish it. Besides, I know how much my body is going to change, and I want to get it at rockstar status BEFORE my eggo gets preggo. Vain, very, but you NEVER know what will happen after and if you'll get that body back. More power to ya girl! Enjoy your time with Beau :)

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  5. Omigosh, you sound JUST like me! I was terrified beyond belief when I found out I was pregnant but I think being surprised was the best thing that could have happened to me because I would have been a total head case about finding the exact "right" time to take the plunge...and then if it didn't happen right away I would have been a basket case. Anyways, I agree that you're never really READY and also that there's really no reason to rush it! You're young and enjoying your life...nuthin' wrong with that!

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  6. This is great! I am 31 and have been married for 8 years...let me tell you that I get the HAVE A BABY NOW talk all the time. It started when we were married for 2 years. We have waited because we knew the time wasn't right. There was a laundry list of things we wanted to do and accomplish. We are definitely ready now, but it's only been the past three months that we BOTH have felt that way. Enjoy your twenties, your home and your marriage! The best thing for a baby and pregnancy is a strong foundation in your marriage. :) Now drink some vodka!

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  7. I feel ya girl! Babies on our time, not anyone else's!

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  8. Such an honest post Steph, so super proud of you for voicing how you feel and sharing with your readers. All you say is so true too - there is never a RIGHT time but you know when it feels best for you. You will just get that feeling... Nothing can prepare you for pregnancy and motherhood except taking that leap of faith... it is also not glamourous or all tinted roses either!

    I got a shock through my pregnancy because nobody warned me how hard it could be. And you are not vain, I struggle each and every day with the weigh that I gained - but it is also true that one look at our little SJ and I forget about those kgs.

    We are now struggling through the decision on having baby number 2!!
    x

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  9. I really get this post!! I am just 22 but it is a weird stage where half of the people you know have kids and are married and the other half are enjoying being young and single. I feel caught in the middle!!

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  10. Good Lord you and I are totally on the same wave length!!!! I feel the exact same way!!!!!! Good for you for making it vocal!!! Glad to know Im not the only one in the same boat!!!

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  11. I think this is something so many struggle with. I know I do & we're not even married yet! I wanted to be done having kids by age 30 but, in the last several months something has changed. I would definitely like to have the first one by 30 but, if another one comes after I'm ok with that too!

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  12. ENJOY your time as a married couple before you add a baby in the mix. girl and do what's right for you and Beau! :)

    My husband and I have an almost two-year-old (who was kind of a "surprise" baby haha) and we get a different kind of question, the "it's about time to have another one isn't it?" question; and it kills me. I don't why people feel like it's any of their business what/how my husband and I go about making babies (or not making babies haha).

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  13. amen amen and amen. Do the baby thing when y'all are ready, NOT when society says it's time. Go girl!

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  14. I am right there with you girl and pretty sure I agree with all of your reasons. I'm soon to be married (Oct 5th) and we've been dating for almost 6 years, but that does not mean I wanna start up the 'ol baby maker asap. I think there is a lot to be said for spending a few years as 'just the two of us' you have a lot to learn. You can live together or date fo'ever but marriage is different. I dread the so now when you gonna have kids questions.

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  15. Preach it girl!! I have been with the hubs for 5 years, married a year and will be going on 27 and have no babies myself even though I have a mother yelling me when she is going to get babies lol. Although I'm a stepmom and even tho we get him 2-3 days out of the week and every other weekend, its a lot of work (with its up and downs), so the breaks I get I enjoy :D...Definitely enjoyed this post, we are on the same boat with a Margarita or 2!

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  16. I know exactly how you feel! Everyone keeps asking when we want kids, and when I say "around 30," they are usually shocked. I'm almost 24, yet I look like I'm still in high school, so I'd rather not have kids right now haha

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  17. What a great post. I love the honesty. I get asked all the time when I am having children. I am 29 and will be 30 in May. My hubs and I wanted/want to enjoy time as just us before we have children...Travel, save money, pay off debts, etc. I plan to have one before I'm 32. Until then, I'm enjoying my "freedom". I think we all struggle with it though. But you are so right, there is never the perfect time like I keep trying to plan out in my mind, thanks for reminding me of that. Also, on the dog- my mom has a Rodesian Ridgeback- he's a great dog! I have a GSP-pups are the best!!

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  18. I concur with everything. I want kids but at the same time I feel like I'm totally not ready for it. At 25 I keep waiting for that moment when I feel grown-up. And then I'm reminded of the "you're never ready" talk. Regardless, I'm waiting a couple more years.

    http://thenextqueenb.blogspot.com/

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  19. Girl, I'm 27 and I'm not even married, yet! Kids are definitely the last thing on my mind right now. I'm more focused on my career and stuff. Plus, I have a dog. :)

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  20. This is a great post! I feel like I am ready, but I'm trying to talk my husband into it. We've been married for almost 2 years, we are 27 with steady jobs, and we own our own house. But he still says we aren't financially prepared... ugh! I can't seem to get it through his head that you will never be "financially prepared" to have a kid...

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  21. i just posted about this on my blog! feel the same exact way. when i'm ready, i'll be reading. not rushing it.

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  22. Some days I think I lucked out... my mom was 28 when she had me and she's not pushing me to have kids. I'm older than you and people look at me strange because I don't have kids, but I have a step-daughter and I'm really not sure I want to bring a kid into a family like that. It scares me. But I'll be 30 this year and still have no kids. I'm just hoping more I'm a role model for my step-daughter than her mother who had her at 17.

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  23. I think you guys are smart to wait :) I have been told by countless people to wait two years until after your married to have kids. Establish your marriage first and make it strong because kids put stress on it! (I don't want kids anyways but still, I think its good advice). Good luck with your decision :)

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  24. So true! I get so annoyed with people butting into other couples' relationships! Let them do what they want! You and Beau will make adorable Texan babies when you're good and ready! :)

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  25. I don't normally comment, just read/stalk (hehe), but I really appreciate your post today. It hits home. I have had baby fever, and it goes away all the time. This year was the year the Mr. and I were talking about trying, now that it's here, I'm scared out of my mind. I want it, but I'm scared .. plus the Mr. is backing out on our "original" plans. I think I'm just going to let the year go by and see what happens. Thing for us, there can't be any "surprises" ... so we have to eventually come to an agreement of when to try and let it happen when it happens. Best of luck to you. I really enjoy your blog. :)

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  26. You're right....you'll never be ready. Just do what's right for you. Oh, and the sickness and weight gain? Sounds crazy but you won't even care about it once you hold that baby. Totally worth it.

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  27. I fully understand! I waited to get married until I was one month shy of 27, and now I'm 30 and still no babies, and I'm starting to get the same question. My husband and I have just recently decided we're ready, but we're still waiting a little while. I say enjoy your time and when you're ready you'll know. I do fully believe that you will know when you're ready to bring a new little one into the world and make him/her your own forever.

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  28. Amen!

    My husband and I have been married for nearly 6 years and as soon as the wedding was over we got the "So, when are you gonna have a baby?!" questions. We married really young - 20 and 19 - so we were definitely NOT ready to bring a baby into the mix. We just started not preventing a couple months ago so who knows when it will happen, but we are so glad we took the time that we did to enjoy each other and set a good foundation in our marriage. We love our life the way it is now, but we can totally imagine it with a little one running around. It is so important to feel at least a little bit ready for this big change before jumping in head first. I agree that you are never truly ready - there is always more money to be made, more fun to be had - but don't push yourself into anything and end up regretting the years you missed alone later.

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  29. You can always do it the way I got pregnant - total surprise. LOL. We thought we weren't ready. We didn't even have a house, even though we were pretty good in jobs and what not. But it was our time. So don't let anyone tell you that birth control has to take months to get out of your system. I got pregnant after two weeks off! HA! The whole body image was big for me, and it took me a year to even get 5 lbs up from pre-pregnancy weight (all those people that said breastfeeding made you lose a ton of weight were totally wrong in my case). I think that the changes my body went through were completely worth it. I promise you your perspective will change on it all. I am not trying to convince you to have a baby, because it will definitely happen when it needs to happen. I just don't think that trying to find the "right time" ever works. You know? But you pretty much said that. I think you are an amazing couple and it will happen when God wants it to happen!

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  30. I totally agree, take time to enjoy your new house and your puppy (so can't wait to see pics!!). I can't wait to have kids some day, but I'll be honest the thought of being pregnant and going through labor scares the heck out of me. And maybe I am vain also, but I have always been pretty thin all my life, and sometimes fear people will laugh at me and say, so the skinny girl is finally getting fat!! I know once I have the baby it will be all worth it, and I will be just fine with the extra pounds, just silly fears I guess :)

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  31. Don't rush into it at all. At. All. It is totally life changing and life consuming, in the best way possible but it is forever. We were married for 3 years before we started trying and that seemed quick. You are still young, have fun. There is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting until you are ready and screw all those who say otherwise. Last time I checked you and your husband were the ones who had to take care of the mini humans not them :)

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  32. I agree.
    I'll be 24 in a month, and people are hounding me all the time about it.
    Your married? Why don't you have kids yet?
    Um because Johhny and I want a house! And a second car. And a few years to enjoy our marriage.
    I think it comes with growing up in the south.
    I have a couple of highschool classmates that already have 3 kids. Yes, I said 3.

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  33. We've been married for 4.5 years, and have had a BLAST doing whatever we wanted! Granted, we've tried and it just hasn't happened yet. I found that when I was ready, all of the good stuff and feelings definitely outweighed the "icky" stuff (fat, without job, changing diapers). It's like "finding the one." You just know when you're ready.

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  34. I'm totally with you on this one! We've only been married for 6 months but we were together for 6 years before that. I'm 25 and he's 23 but it seems like people just expect that now that we're married we're going to start having kids.

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  35. I could not ditto this more! We've been married almost 3 years, moved into our new house almost 2 years ago, but we still enjoy being "just us" and I've also been working hard at getting my body back and I'm finally there and I can't imagine turning around and just gaining a bunch of weight along with morning sickness and the actual thought of child birth really scares me! I know I want it, I just don't know when I'll be ready for it. My H is ready now, but I'm not. He's not the one who has to give up drinking, his figure, and/or a normal life if he has to run to the bathroom all the time. That'll be me and only me. I keep pushing it back due to vacations and upcoming weddings, but I'm thinking I'll stop pushing it off later this year. We shall see!

    Enjoy your time with Beau as just the 2 of you, you won't regret it!

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  36. I hear ya girl! Sounds an awful lot like this post http://www.breezyinbloom.com/2012/11/when-are-you-having-babies.html

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  37. Beau looks so happy with that lil bundle!!

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  38. THIS is so true. so so so true. Who knows when I would've actually ever felt "ready," according to my life plan. My little Bean was a complete surprise...we hadn't even owned a plant yet:-) xoxo

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  39. I LOVE this post!! I am pregnant right now, but I will also be 30 next month. I waited to get married until I was 29, because of some of the same reasons you have listed here. How do you really know that you are "ready"? You don't. You just do it. I can't tell you how much hell people gave me for waiting to get married, because the longer I waited, the older I would be when we started a family. You wait until you feel like you won't be missing out on anything and then the time will be right!

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  40. you are going to be a good mama....and still hot in a bikini!

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  41. I hate that people feel the need to pressure others! I know for myself I have had baby fever for a few years now, but I knew it wasn't the best time for us. Hubby and I now are talking about it a little more seriously, but everyone's 'right' time is different. And the timing will never be perfect. But don't let anyone harass you about it - that is one of my pet peeves! Whether its friends/fam telling me to get pregnant like yesterday OR them telling me I am insane for considering babies - I hate it. Keep enjoying life girl! You are inspiring the rest of us to be healthy && happy always! :)

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  42. This post couldn't come at a better time!! I completely agree with EVERYTHING you wrote. We have been married for about a year now and I can't tell you how many times we had the "So when are you guys going to have a baby?" question come up. Even though my husband is in his 30's... I am only 25 and in no rush at all. Yes, you will never be ready, but we feel like we will know when the time is right.. and right now isn't it. But you two do sure take adorable pictures with a baby ;) It will happen when it's right and I look forward to the awesome posts when it does!

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  43. Girl, I could have written this exact post. I have the same concerns as you do! Sure, I'm 2 years younger, so it's probably more of a hassle for you from people, but I'm sooo not ready to have a kid right now! I'm fine being selfish and having my hubby all to myself. BTW, I love the phrase "a puppy on the way." I'm SO EXCITED for you puppy! Probably more than some of the other blogger babies =P

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  44. Such a beautiful post! I agree do what works best for the both of you! Everything happens at the right time...plus the Houston rodeo is coming up! LOL it can wait a tad bit longer :) Love your blog by the way!

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  45. I feel like you were in my head writing down basically everything I have been thinking lately. I have a few more years on you but still don't feel ready. Not sure if I will. I think there are people that are actually ready - anxiously ready but I am so not one of them. That is what scares me. Some people do feel like there is a right time. Me not so much! Thanks for being on the same side as me! Yay.

    xo, jill
    Classy with a Kick

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  46. HAH! Call me when you're past 30 & have the same circumstances. Married 2+yrs, new house "what're you waiting for?" Most of my friends are on their SECOND kid already! You're right - no one's ever ready. But I'm really sick of people asking too.

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  47. You are never really ready for something like a baby. The hubs and I were married 6 years before having a baby. Enjoy your time together. But when you do become pg - you will look adorbs!

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  48. I just found your blog through Kristen. And I was looking at your yeast free lifestyle, and thinking I might try it out. What can it hurt, right? Well, this just happened to be the first post that I read, and let me just tell you that I could not agree more with you. On the getting fat and morning sickness part, on the still feel like a child part, and def the thing growing in your belly has to exit out of a really small area compared to the size of the thing coming out. Just doesn't make me want to raise my hand and scream, "Me! Me!!". But then again, that's just my opinion. I am not even married yet, engaged, but we aren't in a hurry. And his parents are already talking about gbabies, slow your role please. No house, no "real" job, no marriage even yet. I have no desire to be rushed on that topic, too big of a life changing event to decide about over night. :)

    Sorry for the ramble, just struck a cord with me. :)

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  49. I'm very glad I found your blog. Thanks for the sensible critique. I and my friends were just preparing to do a little analysis about this. I'm very glad to see such good information being shared freely out there.

    Kind Regards,

    Elayne Taylor
    I thought about this

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